Suppression

I

We are told that suppression of feelings is deleterious to our wellbeing - it’s not good for us. This is largely correct, taking into account what isn't being  referred to are fleeting emotions or petty offences, which can easily be as much taken as they are given. Neither should we indulge in the habit of constantly rehearsing our bruised emotions -  especially to unrelated others - even though they (our emotions) may be genuinely troubled or hurt.

To illustrate this last point, a bank hold-up trauma counsellor told me that her job to get people to open up after the trauma of a hold-up was a valuable exercise, as long as the experience wasn’t then played over and over again.  In her experience this only entrenched what otherwise could have been dealt with by talking. But the more it was talked about the less the victim was likely to overcome fear and guilt - yes, guilt. People default to things being their fault, whether they are or not.

II

A cursory reading of scripture appears to support the idea that it may be better to say nothing, (unless the wellbeing or life of another was in jeopardy) than to unload our emotional reactions. “Blessed are the peacemakers” - which includes the inference of being silent more than being vociferous - “strive to maintain the unity of the Spirit” - which includes avoiding arguments, telling others what you always think, etc. “Love covers all offences.” You get the point. These can be misinterpreted as suppression, which they aren’t suggesting. There are times when holding back or covering something may be the better part of wisdom, however …

III

Honesty is a virtue, and many times, the best policy. Not all circumstances, though, are best served by straightforward honesty, as this can be a cover for invective, but, generally speaking, honesty with others is valuable. It clears the air, if it needed clearing, and what relationships don’t need this? It stops more pernicious forms of suppression developing, and it helps truthfulness to prosper in relationships. So how do we employ honesty in relationships without honesty becoming a cover for a thinly disguised form of hate or payback.

 IV

By, “Speaking the truth in love.” Ephesians 4.15 Truth in relationships has a modifier - it is love.  Will speaking the truth assist in the pursuit of love, or will it merely make a point, even if true?  

Firstly, not all communities/churches allow for truthfulness to be articulated, in contradistinction to their proclamation of truth.  Some suppress the articulation of truthfulness as it is perceived to be negative and dishonouring - especially as it relates to those in leadership. But this is only so if we deem that anything not overtly positive is necessarily negative, which appears to be simplistic at the very least, and a cause for great harm at worst, in that people are taught to live with very little nuance or relational skill, as everything is gridded through whether it is positive or negative.

But if truth inspired by love - and that is the condition truth needs to be spoken with - were spoken and listened to more often we would have less failures, and less damage to negotiate in regards to relationships, especially among leaders.

V

Suppressed truth is no truth - it helps foster a lie. Romans 1.18 has something to say in this regard, and it's not pretty.

But truth-in-love heals, it brings wholeness. Silence can be as good as lying - not allowing what is right and true to be aired/expressed.

There is no panacea for failures and relational breakdowns but speaking the truth in the spirit of love goes a long way to avoiding a lot of brokenness and failure if, and only if, we are able to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.